Trying something new....

So here I am...back at it...took a couple months vacation from blogging...my creative brain was in need of some attention....so instead of posting all of my pics for my weight loss...and diet plan...I started to paint again after a long long time....and eating spits relentlessly....

So...now I've got to figure out how to get my paintings and mixed media stuff uploaded onto my blog....hmmmmm....it's been a while since I've fiddled with my blog...so patience will be required....new laptop....hence...no punching it or throwing it on the floor....hehe...

I must say though...its been a pretty busy couple of months....my car died...ended up at the junkyard...so I was immobile for a couple months....then I took a random trip to Alberta to have a way too short visit with my Grandma, aunt and family....my Grandma gave me her car....she's decided not to drive anymore....so Me, Cyd, my Mom & sister Jadie all drove it back to Ontario from Alberta....good times...lol

But seriously...how great is my family? My grandma over the years has always been super helpful and giving...same with my mom's sister Penny....and her extended family...her husband and her go out of their way to make people feel super at home....my mom was a godsend...she wouldn't even let me pay for gas on the way back....I'm so lucky to have such a great family...not too many people do....I miss them...:(

THen...the kidlets went to NFLD for 10 days with their dad....OMG...I was such a nutjob...crying and being sad....poor me...but, in my defence, my mom and sister left the same day....and I'm a wreck when they leave....

But...JEssey and I had a really relaxing, quiet few days of beach and blueberry picking....and some resume arranging....and some fun with my new paints and water soluble crayons....LOVE THEM!!! Well, off to do a little bit of artsy stuff....trying a few new techniques...and will post tutorials and stuff later on....should be interesting...nothing more fun than really being random & of course...MESSY!!!

I know, I know!!!

Okay, yes this last week...and a bit...I've been mulit-slacking for sure! I really still can't find my camera battery charger, but please, there's two perfectly good cell phones with cams on them right here in front of me. So, Jessey is taking a pic of me tonite and I will do my measurements. Tomorrow is Monday, how fitting for the avid dieter! So...phase one of Southbeach to commence tomorrow....let the chewing of the arm begin! I wasn't horrible this whole week....not quite Southbeachy...but not all the way horrible....a few treats...yah, we wont go there! Anyway...picture to come this evening....yay! Hear the sarcasm there? Meh!

Don't hold your breath!!!

Okay, here I am today, all pumped that it's April 1st--april fools of course! But no, that's not why I don't have my almighty fat pictures posted....nope, it's all about the case of the missing battery charger. After looking for it everywhere I thought it may be, Jessey pipes up that he thinks he may have thrown it out. Apparentely it looks identical to the one he used to have for an old camera of his. Hmmmph!!! Now off to find the usb cable...which consequencely doesn't actually charge the fucking camera...only uploads the pics to the computer....but there wouldn't be any pics since the camera is dead as a door nail right??? Anyway I figure they won't be the same quality, but my cell will take the pic. At least the fat one will be all blurry and fuzzy...hehehehe, I'm so bad sometimes...but honestly I do love myself...I just wish I could love a slimmer, healthier self....but I will........OH YES I WILL!!! hahahah, picture me wearing a cape and waving a drumstick in the air....lol....Super Fatty....lol...anyway...pics to come.

Can you hear it??? The Fat lady is singing......

Okay, here it goes....again! As many of my friends know, last spring I decided I was completely insane and started the Southbeach diet. I had seen good things on a couple of my friends who were conquering the madness and thought, meh I'll give it a shot. Well....after the first two weeks which are definately the worst, due to the withdrawl of white death. In this phase you're cutting out any white carbohydrates and refined sugars. No flour, no bread, pasta, rice, sugar...blah blah blah. Anyway, after continually considering chewing off my own arm, it wasn't so bad. Once those 2 weeks were over, I even considered doing that phase for another week, figuring I'd lost about 18 pounds in the two weeks....it would give me a little head start....but opted out when blueberries went on sale....sucker! Anyway....I trucked on to phase two.

I felt like I was in heaven.....blueberries, strawberries....oatmeal....cereal...some whole wheat pasta and bread....it actually felt like a treat at this point to have all these very healthy items. What the frick is going on? I have absolutely no desire to eat a kit kat, or to finish the greasy crumbs in the bottom of the chip bag. The craving were honestly GONE!!! Never, ever, ever in my life of trying every single fucking diet, have I really not had to struggle to block out the voices coming from the cupboards at 3am...."Manddddddiiii.....I'm all warm and gooey inside", says the twinkie from the cupboard. Please, what the fuck is that? Why is it when we're dieting....anything tastes good enough to crave. Some things that we would never considering eating are now quite desirable. Rediculous. Our brains play these perversly delicious tricks on us. " Ha ha ha ha ha....I'm gonna make this bitch crave triscuts with peanut butter....hahhahahaha...stupid bitch!" Seriously though, it is absolutely retarded. Why we do this to ourselves, I have no idea why...it's self sabotage in its finest. Or how about the blesssed hiding that quick bite of hotdog, or piece of chocolate you've had stashed in your pantie drawer since Tuesday? Yah, cos us stuffing our faces in secrecy is going to add ten pounds to their asses right? Talk to me in a week when your fucking jeans don't fit.

Been there.....oh man...have I ever been there. I can remember one time I was sooooo disgustingly craving my beloved zero bars. I got two at the store....felt guilty after one and a half...so being miss finality, I couldn't just throw it in the freezer and keep it for another time, nope. I chuck it in the garbage can....of course cover it in something to make sure its totally in the garbage. Loser? So that damn zero bar decides at 2am to start a convo with me. Fuck Sakes!!! Of course....I stumble out of bed on a mission....find that fucking zero bar and shut it up! Oh ya....under whatever it was, I rationalized that hey it's still in the wrapper...definately edible right?! The horrible thing is that I obsessively enjoyed that little piece. God Damn! If thats not a food addiction...I have no idea what is. So that brings me full circle....not quite body wise...I didn't gain back the 5 sizes I lost last summer....but I definately gained back 1....you know the feeling. You put on your jeans that you found almost too loose last year, only to find that you have an inner tube floating around the waistband. Yah, not so flattering.

So, here I am now, April 1st creeping up tomorrow. I was originally starting in Feb, then March, then last Monday....you know the drill. Anyway, I was talking to a couple friends of mine who are starting to get beach worthy...or whatever you wanna call it...and it gave me a little kick in the ass. I figure it's only a positive thing anyway. I want to fit my clothes for summer, wear a bathing suit comfortably--if there's such a thing for me....and do some fun stuff outside with the kids. Jessey is definately an outdoors boy, which suits me fine. He's taken me to some pretty nice places here in Sudbury that I've never been, so shedding some poundage would be beneficial for sure for the outdoorsy part of the equation.

Tomorrow....not with delight in any way...I'm going to take a before picture. I have to send one to my good friend Angie in Manitoba who is on the wagon as well. I'll be posting one on here....but you can guaratee it will not be a Kirstie Alley bathing suit pic. No no....I will spare your eye sight and my dignity...lol...

I'll be posting a picture and measurements for every pant size I lose. OMG...measurements....I must be on crack!!! Anyway, I figure this is a good way for me to document my progress....and maybe if my family and friends are ever checking out the blog...they can see how I'm doing....and hopefully in some sense, some people will be inspired to make their own changes. Well...I shall be back tomorrow with the plan, pics and hopefully gumption to do this for me....

Reality bites!!!

So what is reality really? I'm sure it's the description of one's own mind. What they believe is their reality. Can there be different types of reality for one person? I believe so. That's where the fairytale bs comes in. Apparently i'm living a fairytale. Well as far as my relationship goes. Yes we spend a lot of time together....too much for most couples I suppose....but we genuinly enjoy eachothers company....and feel like we're friends first. I think that counts for a lot....I've never had that before. With my 13 year marriage/relationship with my ex was as far from friendship as humanly possible. I'm sorry, but when you constantly feel like you're a burden or a pain in the ass with your own husband, I doubt you're gonna keep going in for battle. I wasn't going to anyway. Now, in my current relationship, I have a friendship....a solid one at that. We can chill without talking, or have convos about pretty much anything. Soooo what I'm getting at with this whole reality thingy is simple.....the kids were gone with their dad for about a week. With that...Jess and I almost start to feel like we're in a fairytale of our own. No juice to poor, tantrums to tame, school lunches to pack...fights to break up...nope, none of that. Just Jess and I.....chillin, relaxin...whatever...but thats the thing, can you get too used to that? It's so peaceful...so blissful...not that I'd change having my children for a second, and even Jess mentioned a few times that he missed the kids, and even the loud brain shattering commotion....ahhhh well...I can do without all that crap...but I was really glad to get the kids back after a week....but in all honesty, I could handle 2 weeks.....but I dont think my daughter could....Cyd was totally ready to come home....mommy time. Funny thing is...it must just be the comfort of home, because the proposed mommy time didn't last long when her friends in our building got wind she was home and POOF, she was gone. Now, if roles were reversed and my friend came to the door and I took off...OMG could you imagine the crap that would've went on. But no, she went out...so it's all good right? Man the selfishness mode of almost 11 year olds. Meh, I just let it slide....but it's back to the reality for sure. Jess on the computer...alienware i might add...so that makes it ok...lol...Logan on his DSI, that his dad re-bought since it was only right considering he lost his other one....hmmm 200 dollar dent in his dad wallet shouldn't matter right? The main thing is that he has an electronic babysitter....not such a bad idea sometimes...i'd hate to admit it...but hey! So regardless of what reality is right for each person, I truly believe its beneficial for everyone to have a little bit of fairytale somewhere. Whether its going to the movies....soaking in a hot bubble bath....ready a good book....whatever it is...if it helps you escape from your chaos for just a little bit.....take it....you need it....it's not until the kids started going with their dad that I realized that I actually do enjoy my me time....I'll take it....

island in the sun.....

Okay, so the kiddos have been gone for roughly a week now with their monthly visit with their dad. It's been a nice relaxing few days. Jessey and I (somedays, kayler too) took in a few really nice spots around Sudbury and area....some actually really reminding me of home in MB....nice for a change. It was perfect timing i guess for Jessey to get our car fixed considering the weather has been unreal the last couple of days. I have to say I'm pretty dang proud of him for getting the car running. Nice bit of savings for not having to pay for labour...plus it was pretty hot seeing him get all greased up...elbow grease that is Mom!!! Sheesh get your head outta the gutter....lol. But yah...you really take for granted how easy it is to scoot everywhere when you have wheels....it's nice to be able to run to TImmie's and go for a cruise and take in some scenery other than the shitty apartment walls....so we figured tomorrow being our last day of child-free hours we'd head out to the island. A couple sweaters, lawn chairs and a lunch....breathe some fresh air, see some deer, take some awesome photographs.....should be pretty sweet...then back to the life of energizer bunnies....go-go-go.....but thats fun too....here we come Diary of a Wimpy kid.....pretty funny how deep down as much as I love my downtime when the kiddos are gone, i'm still like a little kid on xmas eve....totally excited for them to come home.....smell their hair....get some snuggles.....kisses....ahhh....spring is in the air...oh and did I mention that Jessey got his job of choice...Landscaping....and he starts at the hourly rate he requested...so he's pretty stoked about that....and I'm happy he's happy...omg could I sound anymore cliche or cheesy....ahhhh BLISSSSSS!

Bliggity-bloggin'

Alrighty, I've been somewhat outta commission for the last week. Had a little womanly doozie last Sunday that landed me in Emerg for the night. Scary experience....not quite "see the bright light", kind of scary experience, but enough to buckly my knees so to speak. I must say though, Jessey was a god sent....without him helping with the kids, lunches, groceries, pets, plus sitting with me and witnessing some pretty wiggin' out nasty sights, I have absolutely no idea what I would've done. He was super compassionate, and there! Incidences like this one really put things in perspective. I've lived here in Sudbury for almost 6 years. Making the big move from Manitoba wasn't an easy one.....hence the craziness since. I had always had my family near by. Not like 3 hours away near by, no. Like just up the street a few odd numbers up. Coming from a town of 1200 people, mining based, completely bushed, Sudbury being the huge city it is, was somewhat of a learning experience for me. I'd have the radio cranked everyday in my brand new kitchen, in my brand new house, listening for all the updates and happenings in my new town. I think I drove myself into my own paranoid delusions. Banks held up.....woopy! The point though being that I was in a new place, no family dinners, no dropping in at my mom's to just hang.....no dropping the kiddos off so I could have a coffee with a girlfriend....nuthin'.....I was lucky in one aspect of my move....the new house we built, was in Garson, right next door to my best friend from our bushwacked little town, Chantal. We were our faux families for eachother. Living next door had it's advantages for sure....and a few disadvantages...but we ultimately worked through those moments. So even not having my mama right next door, it was comforting to know I had her. Now being just me and the kids, minus their dad, things have changed again. It's been roughly 8 months since moving into our apartment.....the ghetto I like to call it....but it's really not that imaginatively exciting, trust me. The funniest part--when you look out the kitchen window, you can see our old house....like waving a porkchop infront of a dog......I thought it would feel like that....but honestly not once did I hang out the window in longing for that old neighbourhood....or house for that matter. Yes, it was nice to have extra space, not having to store toboggans in the kids closets....but I've had it...it didn't make me happy. Ok...so laying in the hospital bed in the little emerg box they called a room, I had way too much time to think. The quiet seeping in....I thought about all of these things. Yah, I'm broke, I have no job at the moment....with no vehicle running to get me to the new job I'm anxious to start....minimal food in the fridge...compared at least to what the kids are used to seeing....and even thinking all these things, I'm thankful for how I'm feeling. Sure I'm a drama queen and I get down on myself any chance I get.....get my rubber boots on and wallow in my puddle of self pity right?! Yah, Yah....but I didn't at the hospital, not for a second. Yes I felt bad for the kids, and my mom for not really knowing how I'm doing, other than Jessey relaying updates after every visit....but overall, I think I really saw how lucky I am. I have two great kids, as crazy as they make me sometimes, they're great. Healthy, happy...at most times....vibrant, full of energy kids. I'm healthy, generally..minus the smoking, which I'd love to quit.....meh! I can walk, see.....feel my kids little hearts when they squeeze me goodnight. I have a marvilous boyfriend, who has seen, heard, and felt the craziness of my being since dating me 7 months ago. A definate trooper I'd have to say....given the chaos that surrounds us.....still he helps out every morning with my childrens off to school duties, takes the pets out and feeds everyone of them, everyday....does laundry....dishes, back massages, book reading....homework....bath running....and still has the gumption to hug and kiss me to no avail. Here I was 7 months ago swearing that I wasn't dating anyone younger than me. The age gap not being an issue if I"m the younger of the duo??? What sense really does that actuallymake? It's pretty rediculous wouldn't you think? I have found a connection in someone....regardless of our ages....I actually feel contented with our silences....enveloped in our touches....all of that...I actually have a friendship in this boy. Something I think so many don't have, and never did. Yes I know it's all new and refreshing, I can smell the wine and roses right now.....but...I think without that friendship in your mate, how can you build anything else on top of it? Maybe I'm just being the sappy girlfriend...but even so...I want to wear these rose coloured glasses forever. Finding good in everything...well that probably will never be me...but why not embrace the small gifts I do have? Peace, love, happiness....hell yah, i'm gettin that bumper sticker...or better yet...the tattoo!

Got Hormones?

Okay....getting this blog together is starting to consume my mornings....lol....everytime I think I have something I like...I can't get it to upload properly...or I lose it somewhere along the line.....ahhh well....I'm learning along the way I suppose. There are so many cool blogs out there....I"ve just been stumbling across them through my journey of finding cool blog things.....some very inspirational....some absolutely funny, and fun.....some are just wickedly cool! I suppose having some type of graphic & web design talent under your belt would really send you in the right direction....but I"m finding my way so far. It's pretty blonde proof....just a lot of copying and pasting....not hard work. So....today is Friday....TGIF as my daughter said this morning on her way out the door. It's the one day of the week that I can use to bribe the kids to get going in the morning. Like this morning...."Okay, Logan, get up! You have 20 minutes to eat....c'mon!" It wasn't until I told him...."Hey today is Friday....last day of school for the weekend!" Can you say bolt? He sat straight up in bed...after about 5 or 6 tries of getting him up. ....looked at me with the biggest semi-toothless grin....and put his clothes on in record time. Ahhhh.....good old bribery....I've even used the TGIF as an upper hand for myself with the kids....like..."Okay guys....today is Friday...stop fighting or you're going to be grounded over your weekend!" Funny how that works....if I was to ground them over the weekdays, they'd look at me like WHATEVER! Weekdays are boring anyway mom!!! It still amazes me how early kids learn to negotiate.....or how young we start to negotiate with them to get them to do things. What ever happened to the days where kids just listened? You didn't need to raise your voice, or throw out those idle threats.....they were so much more behaved....no? Everything now is instant gratification....fast, fast, faster! Technology has made everyone so lazy, that if things aren't booted, or downloaded, or dinging in two seconds, we loose our shit.....wth? Of course our kids are seeing this all the time...in the car....the computer.....tv...everything. So we're raising little adults to have absolutely NO patience.....if we could just slow things down and take deep breaths....teach our kids that sometimes things take time.....but I know I for one would have quite the task in doing so.....maybe baby steps? I know one thing though, I definately need to get a stronger back bone with discipline. I'm such a frickin sucker!!! With the new raging hormones my daughter is sporting, I need a new outlook on how to deal with her outbursts and drama queen syndrome....what to do? There are some days that I'm just ready to lose it. I ship her to her room....or to her haven realistically....ipod, tv...dock...books...makeup...ooohhh major punishment there eh?! I remember being the same and I KNOW when she's older she will still love me...regardless of how much she's going to hate me in the next few years...but its still sooooo hard somedays. I have to remind myself that this too shall pass.....it's very easy when you tuck them in one last time at night and they're all snuggled up, wrapped in their blankets....they look so peaceful and serene. Little angels one might say.....lol....I wish I could just bottle their youth....take a sip every once in a while....keep my babies small. I'm soooo not going to do well with the whole empty nest thing......I'll be like big bird on crack...totally strung out....Happy Friday All....

Can you see the siggy?

Okay...let's see if I finally got the siggy to stick...and without that stupid border that was around it....frickin frack!

Happy Hump Day!

Good day all....well not all really, considering at this point I have two people following my new blog....c'mon friends where are ya??? Meh, I know the drill....if you don't already have a google account...(which yes you need it to comment on a blog)....it's a pain in the ass right! I love to hear comments from people, but honestly at this point I haven't had the most interesting things to blog about lately. I'm sure most don't want to hear the pessimistic bs I've been perpetuating lately, so i'll get that over with right now. Today is hump day (the middle of the week....meaning the week is half over), that should be something right? Nah...when you're unemployed searching job bank and doing laundry, it's just another regular day. The weekends aren't something to relish in anymore....not unless I"m a sucker for punishment, and love the fact that the kiddos are constantly scrappin it out on their days off school.... I suppose my current distress of twiddling my thumbs isn't that great either....mostly I'm just missing my sweetheart who started a new job on Monday past. Yipppeeee, great for him...no not a sarcastic congratulations at all....just a booohooo for me. I suppose spending the majority of my time lately with Jessey only to be all alone now, ready to combust in a cheetos overdose would be cause for my dismay...but please...it's rediculous to be this idle....Yes, I could go for a walk, burn off those cheetos cals...but once again MEH!!! The sun is shining, you can actually hear birds chirping in the morning.....it is refreshing regardless of the fact that I'd love a sling-shot at 7am....I'm just ready to be a participant in the human workforce again....rather than feeling like an extremely hairy leg in the world of rusty razors....blah! So enough of that....how bout whats great in life right now? Well....my darling mama called the other day with the great news that her and my youngest sister are coming for a visit in the summer.....actually...for my 30th B-day....I can't wait....it'll be 2 years since i've seen them, so this is something to definately look forward to for sure! I've decided to start writing again as well, so yes my creative juices have been flowing a lot more lately as well. I am in need of some type of getaway though....Toronto sounds pretty good right about now. A little weekend getaway to see my gal pal Nora in TO is on my list of to-do's in the near future.....until then though...back to the laundry....then a nice hot bubble bath before the kiddos get home.....get those monstrous hairy legs shaved......minus the rusty razor....Happy Hump Day!!!

Happy Birthday Jon!

Happy Happy Birthday Jon!!! Yes, it's my dear Jon's B-day today....the big 4-8....crazy to think i've loved them since the big hair days....over 20 years ago now....boooo hoooo.....

Line-up BS!

Okay, someone please tell me when the pharmacy became a first known, first served basis??? I accompanied my GF Kayla to the doctors office for her appt....which yes was a walk in clinic so her wait was forever to begin with. She submitted her prescription at the attached pharmacy which she hadn't been to before. There were about 3 people ahead of her....then more like 6 people......That's where I'm lost. The checkout girl was super obnoxious.....with a high pitch giggle and her catch phrase of "I know you!" to every customer she put through. Funny! Apparentley to get your shit filled in a timely matter, you need to be a regular customer or sporting a trusty walker or high blood pressure meds....Man let's just hope we aren't waiting for anti-diarhea medication next time....could be a pretty shitty situation.

Good Morning?

Is it just me, or does that damn alarm buzzer go off way too soon? Why can't sleep feel like watching a pot boil? Instead you drift off into peaceful rest, all cozied up with the duvet, the dog keeping your feet warm...only to wake up in what feels like 20 minutes or less at times. Today Carrie Bradshaw and the gang floated through my brain as my sex and the city ringtone woke me relentlessly despite my numerous attempts at pressing snooze on the tiny cell phone buttons....FRICK!!! I honestly felt like my eyes were glued shut, then to finally wake up to my stomping daughter, who must have my undivided attention immediately....while I stand legs twisted in the hope I don't pee myself. Once lunches are packed, with the same groggy disposition...I try again to wake Logan for the umpteenth time. That child!!! Once awake, my smiley, sweet morning bird is apparentely a thrashing, obviously perterbed monster....oh and the day has just begun. Cereal, juice, teeth brushing, bed head taming....then winter gear...backpacks on...and YES...out the door! Is it wrong that the only hour I get to see my lovely children in the morning before they leave isn't fast enough when they're demonic avengers? Well...I figure its best that the bus rolls away at approximately five minutes after eight, I wouldn't want to see the mayhem if it was any later.....Oh man...when does this choas finally end? But then that day will come, and I'll be kickin myself in the ass because i'm dying with empty nest syndrome....Just one nice quite morning....ahhh...I can dream right???

A-HA!!

Oh no...not the 80's pop song...its the lightbulb moment A-HA!!! After numerous attempts at trying to put my new background on my blog...I had a fleeting thought...maybe my BF's very expensive, very convenient alienware computer doesn't allow javascript...??? After chatting with my GF Jo, she took the task and nipped it in the buttocks...fixed it right away...and yuppers that was the problemo all along...I could've had it done on my own computer right away...but instead of sitting on this sluggish bugger, I opted to use Jessey's fancy, yet scary laptop. I knew there was a reason i don't wanna use it....not just cos' i'm scared to break or somehow corrupt his baby...but I have to admit...its nice to veg on the couch with the computer on my lap, instead of sitting on a bar stool bent over on mine...feeling the remnants of it later on my back....smarty pants eh! Thanks Jo...officially my technical support!

Frustration.................blah!

Okay...apparentely I've lost my mind. Since last doing my old blog...I guess i've become a moron of sorts. I can't seem to put a new background on my blog...I've tried everything I thought I had done the first time around with no go. Time for google or you tube help I suppose. For those of you who curse our great technologies of today...they do help! Where would I be today without you tube interventions? Hello...can you say tutorials? Learn to tie a tie...how to do crazy halloween makeup for kids...techniques for knitting...which YES I enjoy...says the self professed geek in me! So off I go to find some help with this frustrating, brain probing problem...and of course I'm sure it'll be as easy as putting your shoes on the right feet....but that does take practice also....wish me luck!

Under Construction

Well, what the hell...time for a blog. I've had a small one before...pretty much filled with the activity I was emersed in at the time...Scrapbooking. Like many things that had to hit the road when me and my husband seperated, scrapping was one of the first. Not just for the plain fact that its so rediculously expensive, but for the simple fact that me and my children were moving from a 3 story home to a 3 bdrm apartment. Slap!!! Yah, right in the face! No space to breathe your own clean air...nevermind find a decent scrapping space...But honestly, even with the many things I've had to give up, I'm the happiest i've been in a long, long time. Yah, breakups suck...especially 13 year ones, but when you know its time, its time. If only us adults could snap back into shape like our kids. Resiliant or what? Man, its almost like they're made of rubber. Especially my son, who honestly has more of a meltdown over how much milk is in his cereal then the huge changes we've been through this last year. It amazes me. My daughter on the other hand has been blessed like her mother with being such a girl. Boohoo for us I guess...hormonal beings, which she has become over night. The whatever! and So!? being an integral part of her day. I'm just learning to breathe through those glorious moments. Remember when you were a kid and you were told to count to 10 to calm down? Yah well trust me...it doesn't work. I just take the jar of peanut butter into the bathroom, lock the door and cry. It's much more efficient for me, but hey whatever works for you...go for it! So yes, the blog will be under construction for a bit...but i'm working on it...the time consuming bastard that it is. So in all this i've found a very inexpensive pal in my writing. I figure if anything comes from me venting my disfunction on a daily basis...it should be good right? Well only time will tell...but once things are up and running on my end, hopefully it will be a shove in the organizational direction....be back soon!