Can you hear it??? The Fat lady is singing......

Okay, here it goes....again! As many of my friends know, last spring I decided I was completely insane and started the Southbeach diet. I had seen good things on a couple of my friends who were conquering the madness and thought, meh I'll give it a shot. Well....after the first two weeks which are definately the worst, due to the withdrawl of white death. In this phase you're cutting out any white carbohydrates and refined sugars. No flour, no bread, pasta, rice, sugar...blah blah blah. Anyway, after continually considering chewing off my own arm, it wasn't so bad. Once those 2 weeks were over, I even considered doing that phase for another week, figuring I'd lost about 18 pounds in the two weeks....it would give me a little head start....but opted out when blueberries went on sale....sucker! Anyway....I trucked on to phase two.

I felt like I was in heaven.....blueberries, strawberries....oatmeal....cereal...some whole wheat pasta and bread....it actually felt like a treat at this point to have all these very healthy items. What the frick is going on? I have absolutely no desire to eat a kit kat, or to finish the greasy crumbs in the bottom of the chip bag. The craving were honestly GONE!!! Never, ever, ever in my life of trying every single fucking diet, have I really not had to struggle to block out the voices coming from the cupboards at 3am...."Manddddddiiii.....I'm all warm and gooey inside", says the twinkie from the cupboard. Please, what the fuck is that? Why is it when we're dieting....anything tastes good enough to crave. Some things that we would never considering eating are now quite desirable. Rediculous. Our brains play these perversly delicious tricks on us. " Ha ha ha ha ha....I'm gonna make this bitch crave triscuts with peanut butter....hahhahahaha...stupid bitch!" Seriously though, it is absolutely retarded. Why we do this to ourselves, I have no idea why...it's self sabotage in its finest. Or how about the blesssed hiding that quick bite of hotdog, or piece of chocolate you've had stashed in your pantie drawer since Tuesday? Yah, cos us stuffing our faces in secrecy is going to add ten pounds to their asses right? Talk to me in a week when your fucking jeans don't fit.

Been there.....oh man...have I ever been there. I can remember one time I was sooooo disgustingly craving my beloved zero bars. I got two at the store....felt guilty after one and a half...so being miss finality, I couldn't just throw it in the freezer and keep it for another time, nope. I chuck it in the garbage can....of course cover it in something to make sure its totally in the garbage. Loser? So that damn zero bar decides at 2am to start a convo with me. Fuck Sakes!!! Of course....I stumble out of bed on a mission....find that fucking zero bar and shut it up! Oh ya....under whatever it was, I rationalized that hey it's still in the wrapper...definately edible right?! The horrible thing is that I obsessively enjoyed that little piece. God Damn! If thats not a food addiction...I have no idea what is. So that brings me full circle....not quite body wise...I didn't gain back the 5 sizes I lost last summer....but I definately gained back 1....you know the feeling. You put on your jeans that you found almost too loose last year, only to find that you have an inner tube floating around the waistband. Yah, not so flattering.

So, here I am now, April 1st creeping up tomorrow. I was originally starting in Feb, then March, then last Monday....you know the drill. Anyway, I was talking to a couple friends of mine who are starting to get beach worthy...or whatever you wanna call it...and it gave me a little kick in the ass. I figure it's only a positive thing anyway. I want to fit my clothes for summer, wear a bathing suit comfortably--if there's such a thing for me....and do some fun stuff outside with the kids. Jessey is definately an outdoors boy, which suits me fine. He's taken me to some pretty nice places here in Sudbury that I've never been, so shedding some poundage would be beneficial for sure for the outdoorsy part of the equation.

Tomorrow....not with delight in any way...I'm going to take a before picture. I have to send one to my good friend Angie in Manitoba who is on the wagon as well. I'll be posting one on here....but you can guaratee it will not be a Kirstie Alley bathing suit pic. No no....I will spare your eye sight and my dignity...lol...

I'll be posting a picture and measurements for every pant size I lose. OMG...measurements....I must be on crack!!! Anyway, I figure this is a good way for me to document my progress....and maybe if my family and friends are ever checking out the blog...they can see how I'm doing....and hopefully in some sense, some people will be inspired to make their own changes. Well...I shall be back tomorrow with the plan, pics and hopefully gumption to do this for me....